


Know That I Love You

by sleeplittlechild



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Series + book combo, but before Shadowhunter Simon, takes place after City of Heavenly Fire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9152281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplittlechild/pseuds/sleeplittlechild
Summary: Magnus is attacked on a mission, and Alec pays what he must to save him.





	1. Chapter 1

 

“Magnus!”

Alec loosed an arrow at the demon. As it sunk in, the demon and its sword vanished in burning ash, leaving a gushing hole in Magnus’s chest. Alec dashed forward, catching his boyfriend just as his knees buckled. He pressed his hands against the wound as Magnus clenched fistfuls of grass. “Jace!”

Jace, Clary, and Izzy ran over, stumbling at the sight. In a few seconds, Alec’s hands were doused in red blood. “Help me carry him. We need to get him back to the loft.” Jace nodded, kneeling opposite Alec. One, two, three, they lifted Magnus. Collectively, they winced when Magnus screamed out in pain.

Clary turned around, her stele pulled out. She made the portal rune against a lamp-post. Alec pulled his phone out, shoving it into Izzy’s hands. “Call Catarina. Tell her Magnus is hurt.” Izzy took it, shaking hands flying over the buttons as Alec and Jace stepped through the bright orange portal.

Stepping into the loft, Alec’s grip turned tight when Magnus screamed again. Portaling was already a stressful experience – doing so when injured would be absolute torture. It was worse when the screaming cut suddenly, turning into a wet sucking sound. Alec skewered his eyes shut, like he could block out the noise. He and Jace moved to the sofa and placed Magnus down. Neither mentioned how, by this point, Magnus had begun to convulse.

Izzy and Clary stumbled through the portal. Izzy rounded the couch, standing in between her brothers over the back. Jace tore off his jacket, bunching it up and nearly shoving it against the wound. It was bad, but nobody vocalized it. Alec was focused on Magnus’s face: his cat eyes weren’t focused on any point, sweat pouring out his hair. Vaguely Alec knew he was speaking, but he didn’t know what he was saying. His fingers were raking through Magnus’s hair. He was just trying to push away the unimaginable.

A new portal opened and Catarina Loss was out in a heartbeat. Jace shifted awkwardly to give her room, still pressing on the blood. Already, her magic was at her hands, passing up and down Magnus. “What happened?”

“A demon attack. He was stabbed.” Clary answered. Alec didn’t seem like he even knew Catarina was there. She didn’t bring attention to the tears in his eyes.

Catarina’s hands shook over the wound, her magic turning a horrible red. Clary looked between Izzy and Jace and they looked at her. They didn’t want to say it, but Catarina’s reaction was leaving little room for doubt.

The odds weren’t in Magnus’s favor.

Catarina pulled her hands into her lap, clenching them open and closed. Her eyes were trained on the wound staining Jace’s jacket with blood. She seemed to be struggling to find her words. After a few quiet, tense minutes, she placed her hand on Jace’s arm and pressed lightly. Jace lifted off the wound, an eyebrow raised. They communicated without saying a word and it was only Alec, Catarina, and Magnus in the front room.

Catarina shifted to turn to face Alec, but froze. In the quietest voice she ever heard from the Shadowhunter – maybe the quietest voice she heard _ever_ – Alec was whispering to his lover.

“Catarina’ll heal you. You’re going to be OK, Magnus. You’re going to be OK.”

It broke her heart; the earnestness in his voice – the insistence for this to all pass by. She furled her hands into fists, using the bite of her nails to ground her before she spoke. Just as she had with Jace, Catarina placed her hands on Alec’s arm and pressed lightly. And then harder when Alec wouldn’t look at her. “Alec. Alec.” She nearly regretted it, finally looking into those blue eyes. So pleading. “Alec – you have to listen to me.”

“I _can_ save him. But! But – the only way is to get the blessing of Asmodeus.” If Alec had any color left in his cheeks, it vanished at the mention of the Prince of Hell. “He’s really bad, Alec. There’s too much blood, too much ichor for me to do this by myself. I _need_ more power.”

Alec looked at Magnus, at the blood splattering on his cheeks and staining his shirt. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks and he had to clear his throat multiple times before he could speak again. “He’s going to ask for a price, won’t he?”

“He will.”

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, more tears falling. Alec pulled away, pressing as close as he could be. A sob broke out as soon as he opened his mouth. Catarina pressed a hand to her mouth to stop on coming out of her.

Alec let go of Magnus’s hand, framing both of his around Magnus’s face. He sniffled and coughed and he said, “I love you, Magnus Bane. Know that. Remember that. Know that no matter what, someone, somewhere, loves you. So, so much.”

Magnus fought against the blood in his mouth, a horrific sucking and gurgling noise echoing as he tried to speak. “Al…Ale...Al…” Alec sushed him, pressing kisses against his cheek. Pulling away, he saw the tears and the blood mingling together.

The last thing Magnus saw was Catarina’s magic turning black.


	2. Chapter 2

The warmth of the sun was what woke Magnus in the morning. He squirmed in the couch cushions, trying to stay in the paradise of sleep. But he was awake and so, another day began.

He sat up, stretching. Everything clicked into place somewhere between painful and pleasurable. Until the skin of his chest stretched. Something felt pulled too tight and too thin and Magnus couldn’t place just why. Absent-mindedly, he rubbed at the spot as he made his way to the shower. Maybe he was getting just too old to party. Oh boy, he was starting to sound like Ragnor.

As Magnus finished his shower, relaxed and replenished, he realized he had company. Stepping back into the living room, he was presented with a tall, dark-haired man, standing at attention with a rune peeking out of his jacket collar. Well, at least the Nephilim sent him an attractive middle man. “Can I help you?”

The man swallowed, shifting his weight before speaking. “We had an appointment.”

“Uh-huh…” Magnus pulled his robe closer, taking those few moments to really look the Shadowhunter up and down. He was muscled in just that right way, his black hair falling in a very complimentary way into bright, stunning blue eyes. Yum… A duffel bag lumped at his feet. No doubt filled with weapons, knowing Shadowhunters as Magnus did. Well, that certainly killed the ‘yum’ factor. “And you got in here…”

“The door was open.” The shadowhunter replied, maybe just a bit too quickly.

Magnus couldn’t really remember last night. Perhaps his Good Time skedaddled early in the morning and gave no thought to this being a warlock’s lair. A Mundane, probably. It was always amusing to show them some real fireworks. “Alright then. That still doesn’t answer my question – Can I help you?” He made a grand, sarcastic bow. “How can I help the wonderful Clave?” Internally, he rolled his eyes and turned to his kitchen. No matter what, he needed a drink before dealing with these mortals.

The shadowhunter cleared his throat. “This isn’t a job, Magnus. This is payment.”

Magnus, who had been having trouble finding the tabasco sauce for a Bloody Mary, paused and turned around. “Payment?”

The shadowhunter leaned forward, opening a briefcase Magnus hadn’t noticed before. “For the extra wards on the Institute. We really…appreciate your work.” Magnus found himself stepping forward, eyes trained on the sparkling diamonds and rubies nestled in lined velvet. After a few hundred years, Magnus was able to recognize authenticity from a glance. Well, they were at least honest customers.

“Ah – yes. I was wondering if I needed to turn the rain into frogs just to find someone to foot my bill.” Actually, Magnus couldn’t remember being in the institute for quite some time – but the Shadowhunter didn’t need to know that. Ominous and all-powerful and all that. So he waved his hands and the suitcase disappeared [into his room, but again – the Shadowhunter didn’t need to know that.] “Well, I thank you for taking time out of your busy, Demon-hunting day, Mr…”

“Alec. Alexander. Lightwood.”

Lightwood. Of course he was a Lightwood. Magnus rolled his eyes as he walked back into the kitchen. Ah well, what a waste of a beautiful face. “Well, Mr. Alexander Lightwood – again, thank you for coming all the way here.” He spun around, going back to his kitchen.

Alexander didn’t leave.

Magnus raised his eyebrow at him. “You can go.” He made a shooing motion, rifling in his cupboard. Where was the tabasco???

“Oh! Right. Of course. I’ll leave you be.” Alec shuffled his feet, slowly making his way to the door.

Just before leaving, he turned back. “The tabasco is in the drink cart. Cabinet. Upper shelf.”

Magnus froze, turning around completely. His eyebrows knitted together. “What did you say?”

Alec, amused, the bastard, walked to his drink cart on the balcony and opened the cabinet.

He pulled out a bright red bottle of tabasco sauce and placed it on the kitchen counter. “Tabasco. Bar.” He pointed at each object, fighting to smile. He wasn’t fighting very hard.

Magnus snatched the bottle. He glared at the shadowhunter…who somehow knew where he kept his drink ingredients…and looked completely adorable. “Yes. I can see that. You can go now.” He made the shooing motion again, with more insistence this time. He spun on the balls of his feet, pulling a glass from the cabinet and coating the bottom with tabasco.

Alec nodded back, his not-smile fading a bit. “Yeah. I’ll just…go. Bye Magnus.” He walked out of the living room. Distantly, Magnus heard the door open and close.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Izzy and Jace paced back and forth in the hallway before the Institute doors. Clary sat not too far away, her legs bouncing up and down. They each kept stealing glances at the door.

They were all waiting for Alec to come back from Magnus’s.

When the doors finally opened, they each jumped in surprise. At the same time, Alec’s visit seemed to have been too long and too short. Clary rose to her feet and with Izzy and Jace, they swarmed Alec. Alec, with a long sigh, dropped his duffel bag and accepted a hug from his sister.

“How is he?” Jace was the first to ask. He squeezed Alec’s shoulder. Alec nodded – he didn’t really feel comfort from the gesture, but he appreciated it nonetheless. Izzy pulled back, taking his limp hand and they all waited for Alec to speak.

“He’s…fine.” The word pushed out of Alec. It was the best he could come up with, in the 10 minutes he saw of his boyfriend. “He’s fully recovered – there doesn’t seem to be any wounds left over.”

“And…and his memory?” Clary asked. Jace looked at her out of the corner of his eye. Neither of the siblings wanted to ask, so of course, Clary would.

Alec went solemn. His gaze turned to the floor. The trio didn’t speak, waiting. Waiting for the horrible news.

“He didn’t even remember where he moved the tabasco.” He whispered. They all heard him, though, and the quietness made it hurt more. Alec rolled off Jace’s hand, taking back his own from Izzy. “Excuse me.” Alec grabbed at his duffel bag and went to his room.

The moment he walked in, a furry something rubbed up against his leg. That got an actual smile out him. “Hey Chairman.” He scratched under Chairman Meow’s chin and the feline let out a grateful noise. Alec pulled him up into his arms and walked to the bed.

Alec, before meeting Magnus, was never someone who had a lot of personal objects – definitely not a pet. He’d always considered Church to be Hodge’s pet, if not just belonging to the Institute as a whole. But then he and Magnus had found the little munchkin kitten outside Magnus’s apartment just before a rainstorm. With a little amount of begging and persuasion, Alec was able to bring him inside and feed him a bit of tuna. The next time he’d come by, Magnus had declared that “Chairman Meow” had shed all over the blankets. And just like that, they’d had their own little kitten.

Now that Magnus didn’t remember that night, it seemed Alec was Chairman’s sole owner.

Almost robotically, Alec petted Chairman’s fur, looking around his room. There were souvenirs from the world tour Magnus and he’d gone on after the defeat of Valentine scattered around. Next to his bedside there were photographs in and out of frames of just a million different memories. Clary’s drawing of the two of them at Jocelyn and Luke’s wedding, his favorite mug Magnus bought for him when he first moved in, the notebook Magnus gave him of all his secrets – more than half a year of memories had been shoved into his single room.

Because Magnus didn’t remember him anymore.

Chairman nipped at his fingers, jumping out of his arms onto the bed. Alec chuckled and let him go. He turned around and opened up the duffel bag. On this very last trip, he had finally gotten his clothes out of Magnus’s closet. There was so much he left behind, rationalizing that Magnus might just write it off as some random payment he picked up over his many years. He didn’t want to walk out of Magnus’s life, didn’t want to feel like they were _breaking up…_ again.

But this, this was the final nail in the coffin. There was no way he could keep his clothes in his closet. Magnus would know immediately that they weren’t his. Know immediately that something was…wrong.

That’s how this whole situation felt. Wrong.

When he first met Catarina, Magnus hadn’t been there. So Alec felt comfortable asking questions. How old was he, really? How had he and Cat and Ragnor all meet? Why was Asmodeus so fixed on Magnus Bane? Surely he had other children to torment. That was a question Alec fixated on, especially right after meeting him. Seeing Magnus withering his arms, ready to die, and then seeing Izzy and Clary mourning after Simon from a distance; he knew demons sucked, but Asmodeus just took the cake.

Catarina explained that Magnus was special – younger than most warlocks, but more powerful by far. Asmodeus took pride in that, and saw it as a threat all at the same time. So whatever advantage he could take over Magnus, he took it: didn’t matter if Magnus lived or died. It was then that Alec and Catarina had an agreement.

Whatever price Asmodeus asked of Magnus – if he could – Alec would take it instead.

“ _My memories…his memories of me. All the time we’ve spent together – all of it. From the day that I met him – you can take it. Just save him.”_

Alec had expected it to hurt. He just hadn’t expected it to hurt this much.

Alec shook his head, clearing away the thoughts. He had cried a bit in his thoughts, so he wiped away the tears as he pulled out the perfectly folded clothes.

Of course, the very first one he pulled out was the first brightly colored piece of clothing he ever owned. Magnus bought him a baby blue Henley. He said it really brought out his eyes.

He spent the last few days crying himself to sleep. Tonight was no difference.


	4. Chapter 4

Meeting up with Catarina was a rarity, so Magnus wasn’t usually picky about the loCatarinaion. He wasn’t going to complain, though, when Catarina chose a warm café that made excellent hot chocolate.

Catarina wasn’t very talkative, though. Which was a little strange. Maybe she was tired – she did work long hours in her clinic. Magnus wasn’t going to pry; that was reserved for when Ragnor could take the heat for it. Magnus was nothing if not the master of weaseling. His skills were epic and memorable in their scope.

“So…” Catarina began, idly stirring her tea. “How have you been, Magnus?” Her glamoured eyes looked nervous and worried. Magnus couldn’t guess for what reason. So he asked her about it.

“It’s just…Camille.” Catarina cleared her throat. “DuMort’s been becoming more active.” Catarina had her gaze focused on the cup of tea. She was being more avoidant than when Camille first dumped him. Magnus internally rolled his eyes. When would his old friends realize he wasn’t a child to be coddled. [Regardless of how much he did, indeed, enjoy coddling.]

“Camille’s always going to be around. The sun will rise – no different than any other fact in my life. She’s not my problem anymore, anyway – she’s Raphael’s.” Magnus took a sip of his hot chocolate. “God help that boy.” Catarina pursed her lips, nodding along listlessly. Magnus didn’t notice. He stretched out, as if he was showing off how ‘free’ he was. “I’ve got my entire life ahead of me. Nothing to tie me down, no great responsibilities.”

“Besides your work as High Warlock.” Catarina raised an eyebrow at her. Magnus waved his hand at the comment. Catarina rolled her eyes. “You’re needed, Magnus. Be sure you do what is expected of you.”

“I will do what I am paid to do – don’t you worry, Catarina.” Magnus crunched on his scone, acting only a little spoiled.

“Be sure that you do.” Catarina took a dignified sip, playing along.

Magnus eyed her up and down before leaning across the table. “You know…there’s never been a rule that the job…couldn’t be _shared.”_

Coincidentally, Catarina’s pager went off at just that moment. Catarina picked it up, reading as she spoke. “First of all – no. Second, I got to go. Car accident coming in. They need everyone.”

Magnus nodded. He waved his hand again, as if he was dismissing her. As if. Catarina gathered up her purse and jacket and Magnus said, “Before you work yourself into the ground, the three of us need to go on a cruise. Somewhere nice and peaceful.”

Catarina looked at him out the side of her eye. “The three of us?”

“You, me, and Ragnor, of course. A change of a scenery for the two of you.”

Catarina bit her lip, but nodded. “Bye, Magnus.” She said, rushed, and left the café.

Magnus breathed in deep. He took in the Mundanes moving around, listening to the clinking of ceramic and glasses. It was a restful moment and Magnus hadn’t had one of those in a while. So he let himself relax and sip his hot chocolate, alone, for a few minutes more. When he was done, he magicked a few twenties on the table and left.

“You can come out now.”

Usually, Magnus would choose an alley to portal back to his loft. But he had sensed his shadow while eating with Catarina. He wanted to see how long the being would follow him and halfway through Central Park – a few miles from his loft – Magnus was still being followed.

Out from a tree (how cliché), a young body stepped out.

“Mr. Lightwood – to what do I owe the stalking?” Magnus crossed his arms over his chest.

“I wasn’t stalking you. I…I…”

Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Was just stalking me? I mean, there aren’t many synonyms for that, so I don’t know what else you could try saying. But please, it’s amusing listening to you stumbling over your words.”

Alec worried his lip, gaze jumping to and away from Magnus’s gaze. “I…I heard…some things.”

“Oh really?” Magnus had to hold back his laughter. “What has Maryse been saying? I’m surprised my ears haven’t been ringing like Notre Dame.”

“No! No. It wasn’t anything like that.” Alec’s hands fumbled in front of him. “There’s been rumors that someone came to New York to attack warlocks. You’re the biggest icon of the warlocks, so…”

“You’re here to be my knight in black armor?” Magnus just had to laugh finally. It was just a tad ridiculous. Shadowhunters being _proactive_ in their protection of Downworlders? Magnus never thought he’d live to see the day – and he expected to live a very long time.

“Look – thank you, Mr. Lightwood. But when I need your help – or any of the Nephilim – then I know where to find you. Now…” Magnus shooed him away. (He did that a lot with the Shadowhunter.) “Off to your Institute.”

Alec didn’t move.

“If you don’t leave, then I’m not leaving, and people are going to wonder if we’re filming a romantic movie.”

Alec bit his lip even harder. “Magnus…I…” Magnus raised both eyebrows, inviting whatever the shadowhunter could say. It was sure to be a worth a laugh. Eventually, he let out a great sigh. “Please…take care of yourself. And call if you need anything – anything. Please.”

“I’ll put you on my speed-dial, Mr. Lightwood. Good day.”

Alec nodded, slowly. He did turn and walked away.

When he was a small enough speck, Magnus finally let his carefree mask fall. He spun to the left, the direction of his apartment, and whipped his phone out of his pocket.

Despite being broken up for over 100 years, Camille was still on his speed-dial.

“I don’t know what you’re plotting in those blonde locks – and I don’t care – but it needs to stop. Just stop. We don’t need to have an epic fight every time we’re in the same time-zone and frankly, it’s getting a little tedious. So whatever you’re going to do, just stop it. Grow up, Camille.” Magnus wrenched the phone from his ear and aggressively pressed the ‘End’ button.

In a cloud of anger, Magnus stomped back to the loft. His chest hurt.


	5. Chapter 5

When Alec walked in his room, the outside world had gone to sleep – and so did Chairman Meow. Izzy was tucked away in the corner where Alec had put the cat bed, gently running her fingers through the long fur.

“This is my room.” Alec said. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Chairman wouldn’t stop crying. He missed his Daddy.” There was a shadow of a smile on his sister’s face when Alec turned on the lights.

“He misses his Papa.” Alec replied, though more quietly, as he toed off his boots.

Even quieter than that, Izzy said. “He’s not the only one.”

Alec said nothing. He removed his jacket.

Izzy slowly removed her hand from Chairman Meow. She walked to her avoidant brother and brought his attention to her with a hand on his arm. “You went to go see him again.” It wasn’t a question.

Alec brushed off her concern. “Cat met with him. I just wanted to see if he was recovering well.”

“Alec…that’s the sixth time this month.”

“He’s doing fine, by the way.” There was just a little bit of hurt in her brother’s voice, but Izzy didn’t let it affect her.

“You can’t keep watching him, Alec. It’ll just hurt you, more.”

Alec took in a deep breath. “And you and Clary have been doing what, exactly?”

Izzy’s open expression hardened and she pulled her hand back. “That’s not fair.”

“How, Izzy? Why is it that I shouldn’t keep trying to see Magnus, but you keep watching Simon like he’s the blooming Mona Lisa!” Alec’s voice slowly grew louder and louder until he was nearly shouting. “Because Simon has his mom back and his sister and all his friends and he has the rest of his Mundane life ahead of him? Because I chose this? Because I’m the one who messed with his head? Because now Magnus thinks his best friend is still alive, that his ward is still working for his manipulative ex, and I can’t stop imagining how much it’s going to hurt when he finds out and it’s driving me crazy? Why shouldn’t I torture myself just like you’re doing to yourself?” The shouting very quickly turned into broken sobs.

“Oh, Alec.”

Izzy wrapped her arms around her brother, sitting them both on his bed as Alec cried without tears. Her heart broke even more. She knew how much Alec cried in the past few weeks. It seemed he was just all out of tears and that only made the pain more palpable. She ran her hand over his back and waited patiently till he could speak.

It was a long time. Chairman Meow woke up from his catnap and found a new spot on Alec’s lap, twisting into Alec’s holey sweater in both an act of comfort and to find the perfect spot to fall back asleep. Alec carded his fingers through Chairman’s fur, using the repetitive motion to calm down and catch his breath.

“He dresses so…differently. He always wore whatever he wanted, but…I don’t know. Maybe he was dressing down for me? But…he wasn’t even wearing a jacket in the café. Just a vest and those black skinny jeans with the buckles on the legs and more colors in his hair than I ever saw. He’s just…he’s just so different. But it’s still him and…” Alec sniffled, moving his fingers to scratch under Chairman’s chin. He didn’t finish his thought.

Izzy cleared her throat. “Did he look good?”

Alec actually chuckled at that. “Damn good.”

Izzy took the victory where it lie, moving her hand to take Alec’s free one. “Was it the vest he got in London? I always liked that one.”

“No. It’s the one he says is from the 20’s. The waistcoat.”

“Didn’t Clary say that she had seen that at one of those ‘Ren Fairs’?”

“Yup. But he always swears it’s vintage.”

“Appearances and all that.”

“Yeah.” Alec nodded. “He still looked good.” He went quiet again. The room filled with the noise of Chairman’s purrs.

Izzy laid her cheek against Alec’s shoulder. She reached over and joined in petting Chairman. “I miss Simon.” She eventually said.

“I know.”

“His band is getting a lot of gigs now. They’re actually not bad.”

“So you’ve said. It still sounds like noise to me.”

“My lullabies sound like noise to you.”

“It _is_ noise.” Izzy knocked into his side. Alec let out another chuckle. Izzy chuckled, too. Chairman meowed, upsetting he wasn’t getting all the attention, so Alec smooshed his face together until he was satisfied.

“His mom is trying to get him into the accounting program at some college, whatever that is.”

“Sounds daunting. What is his sister doing?”

“Apparently getting married. To some Mundie. Simon likes him. He buys a lot of comics.”

“Sounds…normal.”

“Yeah.” Izzy breathed in deeply. “We’re both screwed, aren’t we?”

“To say the very least.”

Izzy kissed Alec’s cheek and squeezed his hand. “Jocelyn’s here and she’s making dinner. Do you want me to bring you a plate?”

Alec shook his head. “I’ll come down. Just let me clean up.” He shifted and Chairman, horribly offended, jumped off and went to go play with a fluff-ball. Izzy nodded and gave him one more hug for extra measure before leaving the room.

Alec cleared his throat, righting his clothes as he moved to his dresser. His shirts were all shoved in haphazardly in a burst of fitfulness. Alec furrowed his brow. Eventually he pulled out a green T-shirt and a pair of clean jeans. He shoved away the memory connected to the garments as he walked into the bathroom. He was tired of being sad.

The room filled up with the scent of sandalwood as Alec showered. By the Angel, sadness wasn’t done with him, yet.


End file.
